


Coming Home (Part one) Pieces

by PhenomenalBrat



Series: COMING HOME [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Arranged Marriages, Crying, F/F, Flashbacks, LGBT, Original Characters - Freeform, Past Kelly relationships, Self Harm, Social Commentary, Storytime, Wine, coming out to a parent, teenagers kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28492227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat
Summary: While sharing stories and wine,  Kelly relates a exploration of how she ended up coming out to her mom and gives Lena, Alex and Kara some valuable insights.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: COMING HOME [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090922
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Coming Home (Part one) Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Kelly Olsen as an LGBT Black woman character offers multifaceted representation. The show has not done an adequate job of exploring the fullness and richness of Kelly's potential and as a character. There's an incredible range of lessons and ways we can find ourselves reflected in Kelly's experience, whether through how we imagine our lives or through the reality of our lives being reflected through Kelly.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Coming out ( although it goes well) mild panicking, crying, mentions of mild self harm, flashbacks, hugs, and some smut.

"...and she was totally fine with it. It was like she had practically known all along," Alex finished explaining as she set her glass of wine on the table.

I looked down at my own glass, then over at Kara and Lena who sat on the lazy boi recliner. Lena was in Kara lap, looking at ease as she sipped the rather deep glass of red wine. My own glass was nearly done. I had been wrapped up in Alex' story about coming out to Eliza, for the last few minutes.

"What about you Kelly?" Kara's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "I mean, if you want to-"

"Oh well-" That was a loaded question. It wasn't a bad question,just kinda layered in a way I wasn't sure Kara was even aware of as she asked. Where to even begin? "I was younger when I came out...or at least came out to my mom. It-it took a while before James knew, or found out-"

"Younger? Like a teenager?" Lena asked.

"Yeah. It- I sort of just ended up blurring it out."

"Like, you just came right out, outta nowhere?" Alex asked.

I looked down at my glass as I began to remember what actually led up to that confession. It was hard to explain, the collection of events and what I had actually said to my mom that day. It was problably the first time I pulled all my pieces together out loud like that and admitted to all those things at once. What or rather, who I had to lose in order to get to that point though, still brings a stab of pain, when I think about it. "It was spontaneous but...it had sort of been building up for an entire summer too."

"That means there was a girl," Lena commented. 

I smiled a little remembering Desiree' with her loose kinky dark black hair, almond brown eyes...those dimples...a good highschool friend...a friend I kissed...and a friend who kissed my back.

**. . . .**

**(16 years ago) Kelly is 16**

_With school out for the year and James enjoying some unpaid internship photography course, I found myself at mom's house for what planned to be the bulk of the summer. Auntie was busy and truth be told, Mommy and Auntie lived close enough to each other, that a quick ride on the 202 bus took me from one house to the other._

_I had mostly spent the first few weeks of summer doing odd babysitting jobs for cash and studying for the new Advanced placement classes I was scheduled to take next year. Eventually I had to focus completely on the task at hand in order to get the summer course work for AP, English, Chemistry, and history all done. Auntie had set me up with those classes for next year after talking to the teachers. So I could get a jump on College credits somehow._

_I had been partnered up with a new girl for the studying requirements on pre semester work. Desiree had just moved to town 6 months ago. She was smart obviously, funny, and cleaver. She and I had talked in school a bit last year, a bit. Truth be told, I found myself flustered by her. We kind of drifted around each other in different but also similar subjects. Desiree was both reliable and a wild card. She made me, at 16 feel like she was both a question mark and an answer to a question that I did not want to ask myself, because I was not prepared for the answer._

_She was also very pretty…not that I was looking of course. I just happened to notice her warm smile, and how soft her warm mocha skin looked; like she would be both powerful and delicate if you touched her. Her lips were full and she frequently wore a lip sheen or gloss that made them eye catching...and tempting...to guys of course. I wasn't looking at her. It was totally fine and normal to gaze upon beautiful looking girls. We were friends of a sort by the time we got mid way through summer at least._

_It was a Wednesday evening and we were trying to study, when it happened. The surprising level of noise at the library that had been left accessible by students for the summer had driven us out of there and over to my moms house on a murky and surprisingly wet day in the beginning of July. Desiree was the first girl-friend to see my room at mom's house. Truth be told I was shocked that I myself had the guts to take her there._

**_. . . ._ **

_"Your room is cool, Kelly." Desiree compliments me as we sat on my bed doing pre course review work. We had been reading and quizzing each other back and forth for nearly two hours. Something about her accent had been so implacable and attractive since the day we met._

_"Thanks." My whitney Houston poster hung in full view next to my old school Chaka Khan album posters. I had a shelf with books I had read and some secret guilty pleasures I had tucked away under the bed. The new TV, or rather James old TV, sat in my room. Maintaining two rooms, one at Aunties house and one at mom's, was both hard and very simple; It's a blessing and a curse._

_"Much better than my room." Desiree looked like she belonged on my bed. She was wearing jeans and a tank top under a reddish pink sweater. Somehow My eyes were drawn to her. I prayed internally that my brain would fix itself as she lay there; My thoughts were never where I wished they were. My eyes watched the gentle rise and fall of Desiree chest; That naked expanse of flesh above the cleavage line of her dress was elusive and tempting all at once. She was a friend so I wasn't sure why my brain was so messed up right now._

_"I'm sure that's not true. You're way more interesting than me." I Demurred away from accepting the compliment as I sat on the bed._

_" Trust me...you're smart, funny, a musical visionary and pretty," Desiree explained._

_I felt myself bursting with excitement or perhaps intrigue or embarrassment. No guy that I had ever attempted to be interested in, despite a complete lack of interest, had ever made me feel so secure and insecure and enraptured all at once. I glanced over at the mirror on my dresser, looking at my reflection. "De' I don't know that I would call myself pretty-"_

_"You have looks that make other girls jealous. " She giggled a little._

_I looked at her, studying her face until my eyes became focused on her lips; they looked soft and lush...like something I should kiss...a siren call. "Do I?" I asked, smiling as if we were flirting with each other._

_Where we flirting? Was she? This wasn't the first time I had done the,, " is this flirting or friendship, questions in my head, around Desiree._

_I was not even aware of how close we had gotten. She had been reorganizing the flash cards for the AP chemistry class we would be in together next year. We had 'chemistry' together, I suppose you could say._

_Being laid up on my queen sized bed together was whole different than being huddled in the chairs in the library. It gave me the opportunity to smell her perfume more closely or perhaps she just naturally smelled that good, I wasn't sure. Like I said, Desiree made me constantly ask myself questions. Did I simply admire her and want to be like her or did I want to be close to her? The answer was simply yes. Yes to what?_

_"Aren't the guys at school falling over they' own asses to ask you out though?" I asked, trying to shift the conversation back to her. "You' only been here 6 months and everybody wants you." That was a thick statement and for a moment I felt like I was telling more information on myself._

_Desiree shifted around in the bed looking slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah, but sometimes I wonder what it is about guys, we' suppose' to be interested in at all," she admitted before doing a small scuffing laugh._

_I was left with my mind turning. Her words echoed my thoughts; those questions I frequently found myself asking as I went through the motions and tried to convince myself I was interested in one guy or another. Why? What was I supposed to be feeling in those moments. Whatever it was, I felt like I'd never reached it. "I know exactly what you mean." I could only voice my agreement._

_"I guess it's not like every single guy ever. Its -" She added to the earlier statement, self correcting or trying to walk it back a tiny bit." -it's just a lot of them."_

_I nodded as she seemed to get introspective. I watched her face, as I once again recall that we were very close, laying side by side on this bed. Without really thinking, I reached up brushing a little hair out of her face. "Well, what other choice is there? Gotta find one of those good men or be alone forever." I scoffed verbally at my own statement. It was more of an echo of things old ladies at the church tended to say rather than my own feeling; kinda the overt nosiness of old Black people at any given church you could think of. Every year growing more and more interested in my lack of a boyfriend and me not talking to the "nice boys at church" who were my age._

_"I'd rather be alone with my best girl-friend than some boy forever."_

_I laughed a little. "That would be the dream."_

_"It would though; cuddled in bed with someone warm and soft, who smells nice, and gets your humor would be perfect. "_

_"Someone you just click with." I carried forward with her thoughts._

_"Someone clever and smart...a best girl-friend. "_

_I was so distracted by the direction of the conversation that I blurted out my train of thought, continuing as if enraptured. "And someone you could kiss; soft, full lips…"_

_"Have you ever kissed another girl?"_

_I blinked. I had been picturing the very thing, when she asked me. I- not in a- my brain worked to run through my usual rambling string of rationalizations. "I- have you ever-?"_

_"...kissed another girl? " She smiled as if she was enjoying a delicious memory for a moment. "Yeah." She looked down and over at the chemistry book before looking back at me. Her admission hung in the air. "Have you…?"_

_My eyes glanced down at her lips. She obviously was watching. She moved alittle closer. "De' I've-"_

_"Would you like to?"_

_I should not. I- it was that question again; only it was out loud instead of in my head. What did it mean if that was what I wanted? What if that was what I always wanted. It was both the easiest and most difficult thing in the world. While I had often had to try to convince and compel myself to feel at ease with boys, I had conversley had to restrict and hold myself back from being drawn to girls...it was so easy and especially with Desiree. Perhaps I thought if I just - then the want would go away..._

_I kissed her; softly leaning forward to press my lips against hers. She kissed back, lips parting to deepen the kiss as her fingers racked through my hair. My eyes closed, letting her take control. Suddenly it clicked in my brain and something about myself that had always felt off kilter, suddenly felt very at home in my own body._

**. . . .**

**( present)**

"I was still figuring it out myself. " I explained. I looked over at Alex who was looking back at me. Her eyes were soft and almost smiling.

"That's cute. It's so- like a gay teen romance movie," Kara noted.

I nodded. That was not an inaccurate assumption. "True, but-"

"I felt like that story was gonna end with your mom walking in," Alex admitted. "How did-"

"There's definitely more layers to this, " Lena commented. 

I laughed. "16 year old Kelly was just then figuring things that I know now out. Desiree was- "

"The gay gateway drug?" Lena asked.

I reached over to the table to refill my glass. "You could say that. She was both the most free and most restricted person. I learned so much about who I was that summer with her but I also learned so much about who I wasn't. So many layers-"

"Kelly-"

"Being gay or even just not straight as I figured myself out was one thing but then there's being a woman and being black on top of that...Desiree had a whole added culture family layer even on top of that." I close my eyes trying to find the right words to explain my thought and memories. " Bottling things up because you can't share pieces of yourself with your family is- you end up hurting and Desiree- I learned the best and worst about that from her." I thought about how to phrase this. "I was in pieces emotionally, being one part of myself with De' that I couldn't be at home with Auntie or mom. At least I believed I couldn't be that with them. It wasn't even that I thought they wouldn't love me; the fear of disappointment is worse than the fear of anger I guess. Desiree was afraid of both...and she...I saw how fast someone can take that fear out...on-on their own body."

Lena cleared her throat and I looked over at her, getting the distinct impression she already knew what I was talking about. "So she-"

"Yeah." I answered in the shortest most direct way as I cleared my mind to elaborate for Alex and Kara.

**. . . .**

**(16 years ago)**

_"De!" I gasped in shock as I entered the bathroom. Her parents were out so it was just us in her bathroom, across from her bedroom. She was bleeding. I wasn't surprised by that. It wasn't the first time she had done that. She was usually more delicate with it._

_Truth be told she had me lulled into a bit of complacency about it. The first time, I had seen three of those cut, all in a row on her thigh, looking fresh and clearly one with purpose, I had been terrified. I nearly broke her trust and told someone. She- she cried. I rarely saw De' go to tears to that extent. She had sobbed convincing me not to tell. It was a secret. It was our secret; just something she did to ground herself when it was all too much._

**_. . . ._ **

_Meeting Desiree' family had squashed any feelings I had about telling them. In fact Meeting them, really explained it all. Her mom had been a beautiful but clearly over bearing woman of obvious Ghanaian heritage. Her hair was long and dark,worn in a semi braided style, swept to the side.. She had a voluptuous figure and favored dark blue dresses whenever I saw her. De' told me once that her mom was an executive accountant. Basically she was Hella accomplished and expected the same from her kids. There was an air of pressure from her that even I felt. Perhaps for a moment that the loss of her husband 14 months prior had prompted this. Desiree said, her mother had simply always been insanely ambitious though. Their whole move here had been due to intense ambitious designs when her mom decided to accept a promotion that requires a move._

_The compelling roll of her accent and the swiftness with which she criticized or corrected Desiree in front of me was shocking. In the first 15 minutes of meeting her, I learned that her name was, simply…" Afryea dear…" She had introduced herself. A pot of reddish orange spicy smelling soup had sat on the stove. Afryea had quickly grabbed too bowls, Commented on Desiree being supposedly "too thin child," before swishing past then and heading out for a meeting. Over her shoulder she had tossed, " hopefully my daugh'ter get her act together and don't hold you back 'Elly." It had been an interesting first impression. Desiree' beautiful eyes had sought the floor. That had really explained a lot. I had smiled over at her._

_A few moments after that, A slender young man, no older than 18 had decended the stairs, glanced over at us, then went to make himself a huge bowl of chili. He hadn't spoken more than saying that mumbling, "hey." That teenage boys' used as an old reliable conversation lazy piece._

_Later on Desiree had simply said, " mom has a lot of expectations." I had nodded. When put under pressure kids will vent. If they can't speak, it will come out some way._

_I became a presence around De's house in the weeks that followed. I bore witness to the pain, kissing away small scars and doubts; kissing until she was lost in my lips sometimes._

_"Have you-? Does she know-?" I had whispered that question on the bed one day as we lay on the bed._

_"I-I don't know."_

_"You dont-"_

_"I just can't tell if she's disappointed in me cause she knows...or cause she can tell I'm holding something back."_

_I hadn't had any real answer for that._

**_. . . ._ **

**_Trigger Warning: Depictions on blood, self harm, and mildly sexual situations with teens._ **

_I snatched a cloth off the bathroom counter, pressing it to her thigh. The blood was stark and red on her skin. The air was cut with a tangy iron rusted scent. The cuts on her thigh looked angry. They criss crossed each other in a most haphazard way._

_"You-you have to be careful." I was trying to admonish her like this was some routine thing that simply went wrong. Panic laced my whole voice though, and I could hear it in my own tone._

_"Kelly-"_

_I wasn't doing a particularly good job of staunching the bleeding. It was deeper, very much less precise or clean. "De-"_

_She leaned closer to me as she sat on the bathroom floor. Her head rested on my shoulder and her arms, trembling a bit still, held me close._

_"I'm sorry." She whispered the apology so quietly. I was as confused as I had ever been. She had nothing to apologize for._

_"De, it's okay."_

_She had reached up to touch the side of my face and looked at me before leaning in for a kiss. It was soft and warm, reminding me of the first time. "I'm sorry, I'm not enough. I'm sorry, you had to see me in pieces. I-"_

_There is something twisted about the fact that some things were so easily understood between us, that they needed no explanation. Part of me knew from that moment, that our days were numbered. There was a letter on the floor. It wasn't anything overtly threatening. It had the address from some place in Ghana and was addressed to Desiree's mom._

_She sighed._

_I cringed internally remembering what De' had told me about that._

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"Oh-god-" Alex stammered a bit.

"She cut a deep cut into a vien a few days later, about a week later. She bleed really bad." I hated remembering this part. 

"Kelly-"

"I tried-"

"Hey Kelly- it's you don't have to finish this part. "Lena's tone was reassuring. It gave me the out. I- Desiree hadn't died but I had lost her in every other way that mattered.

After it all happened, I had this almost burning need to confide in my mom. I- Desiree' in ability to tell her own mom, was like a stark picture of what I could never be; not because Desiree was less capable than me, but simply perhaps because she was clearly more able to hold it inside. 

**. . . .**

**_(16 years ago)_ **

_My mom sat on the couch looking over at me as I paced the floor in front of her. My purse shirt was still a mess from the stain of blood from De that had spilled over onto my thigh._

_"I'm so sorry about your friend." My mom's condolence sounded sincere yet felt incomplete. I could only blame myself for that though. What could I say? I could only imagine the reaction if I explained how our friendship was something more; it was something both seen and obvious, and unsaid, unseen and oblique._

_I nodded. "Thanks… I- she, uhm -" I stopped._

_"I'm sure she'll be fine."_

_"Mom, I-"_

_"Her mother is probably-" My mom began to elaborate on her thoughts._

_I scoffed. I was sure Desiree's mom was worried but she was also the problem. She always expected more, perfection, better…_

_Clearly mom heard me. "Kelly you have no idea what that mother is going through. You can't know until you have a child of your own. I can only imagine- if that were-"_

_"She doesn't really know her child." I whispered almost to myself._

_"Every mother knows her child. We know things that-" My mom sighed._

_"Mom-" I was so frustrated._

_"Kelly, you don't-" Mom raised her voice. I was trading delicate ground_

_"Mom! She- I- Desiree couldn't say what she needed to say. That's how she got here. She couldn't love-" My thoughts overwhelmed me._

_"She's 16. Kelly-"_

_I resumed pacing as she spoke, before I blurted it out. "Mom, I- De was more-!"_

_"More?"_

_"I'm- I like- I kissed- we- girls…" I was sure this wasn't coherent. She went quiet and still though. She had obviously understood something. "I'm- Desiree couldn't tell her mom. And I- she ended up-"_

_"Kelly sweetie-"_

_I felt hysterical now that I had spoken the truth or some version of it into the air. Mom's expression was soft and a mix of confusion and acceptance. For the first time in my life it occured to me that I could be- I could like and want other girls now...and not get into trouble or be a disappointment. She would have to be okay with it. It was that or I would die, holding it inside. I would die trying to be pieces of me but never just me. I had seen what this all did to Desiree. This was just step one. I wanted to say something else but I was still figuring myself out, in that moment. I could hardly explain it on top of everything else I was understanding about myself._

_Mom opened her arms beckoning into a hug. The ultimatum in my head, died in my through. I couldn't say that. I fell into the hug._

_"It's okay sweetie."_

_….and it was; at least it would be. I collapsed into the hug, crying and thinking of Desiree._

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

" oh my god." Lena whispered. 

"It took a while...a while for Desiree to get better. Her mom was-"

"Parents are tricky." Alex commented.

"De' mom had her kinda set up to- she was arranged to get engaged with- with some guy from Ghana. I found that out later. "

"They cant-"

"It's difficult. It's different when your- when you're from a different place."

"Yikes. "

"So you're mom-"

"She was okay. She- I was okay. I blurted out my truth and there was every chance that church or busy body's or anyone else's opinion could of colored her feelings, but she- she just hugged me."

"That's what we hope parents do." Lena slurred a little, sounding drunk for a second. I moved closer to Alex on the couch. 

"Trust me, however your parents react in a moment like that, when you open up like that, it will stay with you forever. I'm glad, she-" I took a sip of my wine, thinking of the right word.

"...embraced your truth?" Alex supplied the completion to my thoughts. I smiled a little, glad that she got it.

  
  
  


There was more to this story. Perhaps what I didn't say was even more important than what I had said; what I had admitted too. What one can say and admit to as a a 16 year old outting yourself is different, especially if you're Black. Its not just family you could lose. There's a whole community to be lost at any misstep.

"That' basically all there was to it." I spoke quietly, before letting momentary quiet consume the room. I could see their faces obsorbing the story. "I was scared, after I did it. It played back over my mind a lot. We didn't talk about it a lot. It was just kind of known, like a secret between us. She didn't tell anyone else. She always left that up to me."

"As one should. "

"When you grow up in a community where neighbors are friends and people are in each other's business, hyper religious and black and familiar, free but restricted, it's…"

"Outing yourself is a whole different thing."

"Exactly. Mom never made me feel like I was salacious or hiding or require to tell or not tell, even when I was going through these fall back phases of doubting myself or trying to force myself back into some position.

Alex and Kara and Lena just looked at me for a moment. Having all eyes on me made me want to shift the subject quickly though. "Enough about me though, You got anything to share, Kara?" I passed the buton.

Kara fidgeted a little and adjusted her glasses. "Oh, well...

**_FIN_ **

Thank you for reading. Please leave Questions comments and constructive criticism. 

**Author's Note:**

> Authors notes: I hope this Fic allowed the right reflection on some shared experiences, loss and struggles. For Black LGBT. I think that the idea that Kelly is finally able to feel "at home" in her own body when she allowed her feelings to go naturally is the most heartbreaking and relatable idea too.
> 
> Authors notes: In my opinion, Kelly needed to share this experience and The others needed to hear it.


End file.
